I hope you read every line.

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

I still check the weather where you are.

I need.

I write in this blog because I need to.
I have had a year of stress and change and loss and I know I'm not the only one...but still I find myself feeling overwhelmed and kind of..floating- like there is nothing to hold onto anymore.
I want to get back to basics and simplify my life (which was already pretty simple to begin with...) Mostly I guess I need to simplify myself.

I've been so focused on the things that I've lost...that I've forgotten about the things that I actually need(okay some of them I just want...but maybe I need them too)--so I'm going to make a list of those things...now. :)

here goes:
- Grace
- To be seen through
- Good lighting
- Words of affection
- To be in over my head
- Random questions from curious little minds
- To be kissed
- Pedicures
- The way my best friend gets me
- Dreams
- To loosen up.
-To be kind to myself
- Mystery
- To get out more
- A big love
- An off switch
- Personal space
- To believe in myself
- To outgrow my surroundings
- balance
- To be heard
- To be understood (or at least for someone to attempt)
- To be a part of something bigger
- To come undone
- To live in the present
- To snap out of it
- To feel strong
- Something to shoot for
- To melt
- To escape
- To be awed
- To be asked to dance
- To be swept away
- To start somewhere
- Time to heal.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

I wish I would have never met you.
I really can't say that enough.
One day I will have completely forgotten about you, and I'll move on and do good things.
You'll never change.

It's almost like it never even happened, I don't know whether to be glad or upset. After almost three months it's about time I felt better.

Being sick is depressing. I am convinced that having a fever when you're an adult is a million times worse than when you're a child. I'm around kids and people constantly and having to just lay here feeling terrible with no one to talk to is really lame. One of my kids came to walk Ivy for me because he knew I was too sick to do it :) how amazing is that? Sadly that's the only time Ivy went out yesterday. Stefanie brought me soup and medicine and tea, Charlie took my card and went to the store for me...Jessica brought me a milkshake at midnight when I couldn't sleep. I'm lucky to have people who care about me enough to do things like that when I need them. It restores my faith in humans. This fever made me have some insane dreams last night, not a fan. I am glad this happened on my 4 day weekend, because if I would have had to use sick time, people who had been on overnight for days would have had to cover for me, and I've done that before and it's no fun. Next week I'm overnight 8 days straight....so I guess this happened at the best time, I knew I'd eventually get sick after taking care of several kids with the flu. Blah.

I hate having all of this time alone with just my thoughts, that's never a good thing for me.





"If you find yourself in love with a person who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart."

You really cannot trust anyone.

ughhh. Some people are so completely selfish.

I wish I could take all these things I'm thinking and nail them to your door.

It's an amazing feeling when a child you've been working with for ten months...who hated you at first...walks up and wants to hug you good morning. Whenever I feel completely broken and exhausted doing this job, God reminds me why I'm here, and it's so comforting. I'm feeling overwhelmed with love from my God today, and I'm so thankful.


His love is so much more fulfilling than anything else.

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame I'm a dream
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

I don't know if I've ever had this much anger and hurt in my heart before.
I'm trying desperately to let go of it.
Today was the best I've felt in months.
God is faithful, He has a purpose for everything, and He can make something beautiful out of every mess I create, and I believe that, wholeheartedly.
The waiting is always the hardest part.
But I don't need you, and I never did...and I never will.
I've had enemies who had kinder hearts than you.
It's sad, really.

Ready for some angst?

"and you dropped the note and we changed key
you changed yourself and i changed me
i really didn't see us singing through this
then you screamed the bridge
and i cried the verse and our chorus came out unrehearsed
and you smiled the whole way through it
i guess maybe that's what's worse
and i'm taking all your memories off the shelf
and i don't need you or anybody else
so take a look at me
see what you want to see"






--So is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with, cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish, I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids--

Oh, Mr. Dylan.

Don't Think Twice, It's All Right

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don't matter, anyhow
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don't know by now
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
Still I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never did before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' all the way down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right