I hope you read every line.

Let it die and get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear

Don't you wish that we could forget that kiss
And see this for what it is
That we're not in love

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

It was hard to tell just how I felt
To not recognize myself
I started to fade away

And after all it won't take long to fall in love
Now I know what I don't want
I learned that with you

The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart
The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn't the ending so much as the start

I still check the weather where you are.

I need.

I write in this blog because I need to.
I have had a year of stress and change and loss and I know I'm not the only one...but still I find myself feeling overwhelmed and kind of..floating- like there is nothing to hold onto anymore.
I want to get back to basics and simplify my life (which was already pretty simple to begin with...) Mostly I guess I need to simplify myself.

I've been so focused on the things that I've lost...that I've forgotten about the things that I actually need(okay some of them I just want...but maybe I need them too)--so I'm going to make a list of those things...now. :)

here goes:
- Grace
- To be seen through
- Good lighting
- Words of affection
- To be in over my head
- Random questions from curious little minds
- To be kissed
- Pedicures
- The way my best friend gets me
- Dreams
- To loosen up.
-To be kind to myself
- Mystery
- To get out more
- A big love
- An off switch
- Personal space
- To believe in myself
- To outgrow my surroundings
- balance
- To be heard
- To be understood (or at least for someone to attempt)
- To be a part of something bigger
- To come undone
- To live in the present
- To snap out of it
- To feel strong
- Something to shoot for
- To melt
- To escape
- To be awed
- To be asked to dance
- To be swept away
- To start somewhere
- Time to heal.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

I wish I would have never met you.
I really can't say that enough.
One day I will have completely forgotten about you, and I'll move on and do good things.
You'll never change.

It's almost like it never even happened, I don't know whether to be glad or upset. After almost three months it's about time I felt better.

Being sick is depressing. I am convinced that having a fever when you're an adult is a million times worse than when you're a child. I'm around kids and people constantly and having to just lay here feeling terrible with no one to talk to is really lame. One of my kids came to walk Ivy for me because he knew I was too sick to do it :) how amazing is that? Sadly that's the only time Ivy went out yesterday. Stefanie brought me soup and medicine and tea, Charlie took my card and went to the store for me...Jessica brought me a milkshake at midnight when I couldn't sleep. I'm lucky to have people who care about me enough to do things like that when I need them. It restores my faith in humans. This fever made me have some insane dreams last night, not a fan. I am glad this happened on my 4 day weekend, because if I would have had to use sick time, people who had been on overnight for days would have had to cover for me, and I've done that before and it's no fun. Next week I'm overnight 8 days straight....so I guess this happened at the best time, I knew I'd eventually get sick after taking care of several kids with the flu. Blah.

I hate having all of this time alone with just my thoughts, that's never a good thing for me.





"If you find yourself in love with a person who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart."